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A new study by researchers at the University of Nebraska shows that bedbugs are more likely to leave you alone the longer you stay at the bar. It turns out the terrible little vamps are picky drinkers and prefer the blood of the teetotaler to that of the binge drinker in direct proportion to the number of pints you’ve downed. This sounds like great news to the young and careless, but the researchers found a way to be buzzkills about it. “I’m not going to suggest someone should consume alcohol to control bedbugs,” said Ralph Narain, a Ph.D. candidate. Bummer. Guess we’ll have to just keep doing it for fun, then.